House Rules

This was a random writing I come up with for a short story I never got around to writing. Instead, it has remained on my harddrive as a fun little “rule book” for bachelors.

1. No females are to casually hangout at the residence, for any reason.  A brief visit is acceptable, but with discretion.  If possible, the female should stay outside, perhaps in the vehicle.
2. The only acceptable reasons for females to be present at the residence are ONLY for any of these three reasons: 1) sex, 2) a party or some other gathering/occasion, or 3) chores/cleaning.
3. ABSOLUTELY no roommate or other persons, guests or otherwise, are allowed to break up at the residence.  A break up should only be performed at another location.  It is suggested that any break up should be conducted at the female’s home, leaving the emotionally charged event at her residence and protecting the sanctity and property of our shared residence.
4. Any and all unsolicited visits by females are to be discouraged and prevented.
5. The House is a bachelor pad, therefore, it will be an intimately conducive environment through the décor reflected, as well as its cleanliness, both indoors and outdoors.  The roommate’s bedroom, which is the only personal area, is as what the roommate wishes.  However, a roommate’s bedroom must not be conducive to mal odor or infestation by rodents or insects, nor shall it by suspect of.  In other words, it must be kept clean for everyone’s benefit; décor or organization is not a consideration.
6. It is strongly suggested to roommates to only “date” females who live outside the residing community.  It is strongly urged not to “date” females within the residing community, especially those females who reside within walking distance or line of sight of The House.  Perhaps those females who are not familiar with the residing community would be better.
7. It is everyone’s responsibility to maintain cleanliness of all common areas.  Rule of thumb: if you know it needs to be done, just do it.  Common areas are all indoor and outdoor areas that do not include a roommate’s bedroom.  Examples of common areas are: garage, lawn, sidewalk and drive, living room, bathrooms, hallways and stairways, kitchen, basement, and so forth.
8. ABSOLUTELY not acceptable is illegal conduct in The House, or anywhere on the premises, that has the potential to bring legal detriment to any or all roommates.  Examples are: any and all illegal drugs, misuse of weapons, domestic disturbance/violence, and so forth.