Spontaneous Bitch-Combustion
It absolutely boggles my mind how my wife goes from absolute bitch for months on end to absolute sweetheart within the passing of one night. As credit to her extraordinary skill, she is equally quick from sweetheart to bitch.
Now, I am unable to rationalize, identify, comprehend, or arise to any kind of hypothesis that would trigger such behavior. Does she have a mental disorder? Or, some sort of mental disease? Is it even psychological? Or, is there a physiological disorder I must diagnose and treat? What external triggers may be influential?
My only guess is a very volatile conjecture irrationally used by men and woman alike to explain the unexplainable traits of women: my wife is a woman, and therefore susceptible and at the mercy of her inner self without any identifiable causes or solutions, and without any fault or accountability of her actions thereof.
By God, “Because she’s a woman,” explains it all in a clear and concise (plain and simple) manner! With this single explanation we can now delve into the depths of feminism and unlock the secrets to humankind’s (because it is not “mankind”) salvation!
Need milk with my sarcasm? Grab a cow. There is more.
Really! Come on! I saw on 3ABN (3 Angels Broadcast Network) a one hour program solely on the explanation of the female psyche. To summarize, the nucleus of their illumination centered on a huge jumble of rubber bands that were so incredibly entangled that they formed an inseparable mass roughly the size of a large book, like those coffee table books everyone looks at the covers but never picks up because they are so big.
Let us allow women to have their cake and eat it, too, so to speak.
So, inside a woman, her brain is all jumbled together like 3ABN’s mass of entangled rubber bands. If so, that explains why my wife is like Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde. On the other hand, if women are a confusing mess that not even they can sort themselves, why do we allow them so much?
They want equal rights. When given equal riots, they complain that men are no longer treating them as women but as “one of the boys,” and thus seek action (or legislation to put in more current terms). Women can open their own doors and no longer need a man to treat them as the “weaker sex.” In turn, women voice their disapproval of men losing chivalry, and find themselves hard pressed to find a gentleman, or a “good man.”
I laugh every time I tell this story because it just tickles me down to the bone.
My wife used to tell me she wanted me to love and appreciate her for who she is. You know, on the inside, her mind; more than just her body. So, over the course of the following few weeks, anytime she asked me any question about her looks I would answer, “Baby, your looks don’t matter because you’re smart, and that’s why I love you. Wear anything you want. You look fine.”
Needless to say, boiling point was reached often. Eventually, she learned that she enjoys her vanity, as well as my primal (one of many animalistic epithets men are known to be called) lust for her. Sure, I can be romantic and intellectual and not-everything-leads-to-sex. But, eventually she just finds me boring, too much like a female, or no longer within the image she holds of me. So, once again, she gets her cake, she eats it, and decides she does not like it.
Who is responsible for her naivety and discontent? I am because I am the man; held to a higher standard by all, over and above any current and preceding political correctness or socially modern criterion. However, should I have the foresight, care, and good intentions to forebode the likely consequences of her actions and provide guidance, I am ridiculed as controlling, parent-like (the “daddy” complex), and bossy. Stand aside and allow her to do as she wishes, I am again ridiculed, but ridiculed for being heartless, insensitive, and a poor leader (aka: a poor example of a man as women see it).
Well, I can’t read minds, so I will never know exactly what to do and when and how. In pursuit of not discriminating or showing favoritism, and in the spirit of equal rights for both genders, I mean it with absolute equality from the bottom of my heart when I say, “Kiss my ass!”
K-M-A, baby! That’s my motto – kiss my ass!
Like every “good man” (the term has become highly subjective and becoming quite loose in designation), I am not afraid to do as I decide best, regardless of her approval or emotional upheaval. In other words, my wife, or any other woman for that matter, can get as pissed off and rant and rave as much as she wants and I will not budge on my decision. I tell me wife that if she does not like me, or what I do, so terribly much, she should have considered my traits when we first met. In the meantime, she can decide if she wants me or someone else, and then she better act on it. Because if she just continually bitches about everything and fights me on everything, it will be me kicking her to the curb. It is rude, discourteous, and disloyal to constantly fight your man on everything, trying to prove him wrong and yourself right. If a woman is going to be that way, separate and go do your own thing. Maybe even pick up a woman for yourself.
Women are a mystery I would rather keep a mystery. Opening Pandora’s box is not something my reasoning or curiosity wishes to do, resulting in suicide. All I can do is continue letting women (my wife) do as they will – running the world within their narcissistic perfection – and continue doing as I will – walking my unyielding straight path across life with my steady stride, sometime bumping heads with on-comers or stepping on their trail of narcissistic perfections. I do not try to change a person, as one can only change under his own fruition, but I do not have to subscribe, uphold, agree, or accept another’s position. I simply agree to disagree as respectively as I am able to. Whether the other can do the same as I is something else entirely, and more often than not the other person can not and does not respectively agree to disagree.
I resolve to treat all women like children because I can not trust a woman to conduct herself and think as an adult. I have actually been using this practice for a number years, now, and it works very effectively.
Conclusion
I am no closer to understanding women.
